3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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