i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
