I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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