worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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