It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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