It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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