i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
