Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
