Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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