but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
