She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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