I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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