so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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