Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
