I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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