i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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