Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
