Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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