i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
