ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
