just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
