Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
