i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need a burrito and a hug.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
