This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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