theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
