So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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