If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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