I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
