If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
