Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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