Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
