the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
