I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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