A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
