you traded sex for a burrito?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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