mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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