highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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