well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize