Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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