they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
