what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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