ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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