Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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