Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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