R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
