Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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