all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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