do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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