shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
