i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
