So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
