Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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