The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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