I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
