wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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