another moral hangover. fuck.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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