Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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