There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
