god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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