"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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