I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
