She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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