I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
