Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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