omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
