I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
