she was so not down for the gang bang
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
