I met the friendliest cop last night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
