We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
