i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
