It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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