Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
