I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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