weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
