My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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